DIYARBAKIR, Turkiye: 鈥淲hen you try and explain peace to people, there is a very serious lack of trust,鈥� said Yuksel Genc, a former fighter with the PKK, which recently ended its decades-long armed struggle against the Turkish state.
Talking over a glass of tea in a square in Diyarbakir, the biggest city in Turkiye鈥檚 Kurdish-dominated southeast, this 50-year-old former fighter with long auburn curls is worried about how the nascent rapprochement between Ankara and the Kurdistan Workers鈥� Party (PKK) will play out.
鈥淭he guerillas are sincere, but they don鈥檛 think the state is,鈥� said Genc, her words briefly interrupted by the roar of a fighter jet flying overhead.
鈥淭hey think the government does not trust them.鈥�
For years, she was a fighter with the Kurdish rebel group, which on May 12 said it would disarm and disband, ending a four-decade armed struggle against the Turkish state that cost more than 40,000 lives.
The historic move came in response to an appeal by its jailed founder Abdullah Ocalan, arrested in 1999 and serving life in solitary ever since on a prison island near Istanbul.
Genc herself joined the militants in 1995 when she was a 20-year-old university student in Istanbul.
鈥淎t that time, many Kurdish villages were being burnt down, and we were constantly hearing about villages being evacuated, people being displaced and unsolved murders,鈥� she said.
She described it as 鈥渁 time of terrible repression.鈥�
鈥淵ou felt trapped, as if there was no other way than to join the guerrillas,鈥� she said.
Four years later, after years in exile, Ocalan was snatched by Turkish commandos in a Hollywood-style operation in Nairobi.
鈥淥calan鈥檚 capture provoked a deep sense of rage among the guerrillas, who feared it would mean the Kurdish cause would be destroyed,鈥� she said.
But it was Ocalan himself who called for calm and insisted it was time for the Kurdish question to be resolved democratically. He urged his followers to go to Turkiye, hand over their weapons and seek dialogue.
鈥淗e thought our arrival would symbolize (the PKK鈥檚) goodwill, and persuade the state to negotiate.鈥�
Genc was part of the first so-called 鈥済roups for peace and a democratic solution鈥� 鈥� a group of three women and five men who arrived in Turkiye on October 1, 1999 on what they knew would be a 鈥渟acrificial鈥� mission.
After a long march through the mountains, they arrived in the southeastern village of Semdinli under the watchful eye of 鈥渢housands鈥� of Turkish soldiers huddled behind rocks.
Handing over their weapons, they were transferred to the city of Van 200 kilometers (140 miles) to the north where they were arrested.
Genc spent the next nearly six years behind bars.
鈥淔or us, these peace groups were a mission,鈥� she said. 鈥淭he solution had to come through dialogue.鈥�
After getting out, she continued to struggle for Kurdish rights, swapping her gun for a pen to become a journalist and researcher for the Sosyo Politik think tank.
Even so, her writing earned her another three-and-a-half years behind bars.
鈥淲orking for peace in Turkiye has a cost,鈥� she said with a shrug.
When Recep Tayyip Erdogan became prime minister in 2003, there was hope for a new breakthrough. But several attempts to reach an agreement went nowhere 鈥� until now.
鈥淟ike in 1999, the PKK is moving toward a non-violent struggle,鈥� she said.
鈥淏ut laying down arms is not the end of the story. It is preparing to become a political organization.鈥�
Resolving the decades-long conflict requires a change on both sides however, said Genc.
鈥淚t essentially involves a mutual transformation,鈥� she argued.
鈥淚t is impossible for the state to stick with its old ways without transforming, while trying to resolve a problem as old and divisive as the Kurdish question.鈥�
Despite the recent opening, Genc does not speak of hope.
鈥淟ife has taught us to be realistic: years of experience have generated an ocean of insecurity,鈥� she said.
鈥�(PKK fighters) have shown their courage by saying they will lay down their weapons without being defeated. But they haven鈥檛 seen any concrete results.鈥�
So far, the government, which initiated the process last autumn, has not taken any steps nor made any promises, she pointed out.
鈥淲hy haven鈥檛 the sick prisoners been released? And those who have served their sentences 鈥� why aren鈥檛 they benefiting from the climate of peace?鈥�
And Ocalan, she said, was still being held in solitary despite promises of a change in his situation.
The number of people jailed for being PKK members or close to the group has never been revealed by the Turkish authorities.
鈥淭he fact that Ocalan is still not in a position to be able to lead this process toward a democratic solution is a major drawback from the militants鈥� point of view,鈥� she said.
鈥淓ven our daily life remains totally shaped by security constraints across the region with the presence of the army, the roadblocks 鈥� all that has to change.鈥�